Blind Date With A Bearded Man - Or three

Three Beards 

I went to meet a blind date in Cafe Rouge. I was a bit worried about finding my date. He had asked if I like beards and I said no. I'd seen a programme on TV where they found millions of bacteria breeding in a beard. He said he had a beard. At this point we haven't yet met so we're both trying hard to please each other. 

He offered to shave off his beard. He could always grow it again. No trouble. 

 I said no need, he should wait until we'd met, because if I liked him apart from the beard, he could then shave it off. 

If I didn't like him anyway, he'd have shaved it off for nothing, keep it for a girl who likes beards. I might think a beard suited him. He said he'd keep it, but he'd think about it. He might shave it off. If he did at the last minute, he'd let me know. 

Cafe ROUGE

 So, I arrive at Cafe Rouge in the rain and a man is standing in the doorway blocking my way. Is he going to move aside? Middle aged. No beard.

No Beard

Did he shave it off? Is he my date? 

I stop and look at him. 

He looks back at me. 

 'Are you John?' I ask. 

 He looks wary. 

'What if I am?' he replies.

'If you're John, you want a date with me!' I reply. 

 The door opens behind him. A middle aged lady, wearing a mac, says to him,

 'I found my umbrella, John. Come along.' 

 As they walk away, she grabs his arm, looking at him accusingly. She demands suspiciously, 'Who was that you were talking to?' He replies indignantly, 

'Never seen her in my life before!' 

 Unnerved, I step into the restaurant. I look at the two girls behind the bar, as if they are going to point to my man. But it's no use asking them, because we don't have a table booked in the man's name so they can't find him for me. 

They just look back at me, suspiciously, having seen me chatting to the man in the doorway. 

They are wondering what I'm going to do next. 

The Young Bearded Man

 A young man with a beard is sitting by the door. Much younger than he said. Maybe he was lying. I'm in luck. He is reading a newspaper - probably provided by the Cafe to entertain people on their own, or waiting. 

He does not look up. 

 I am obviously not so stunningly beautiful as I thought I was. Although I have turned heads, it's only the heads of the girls behind the bar, not a single man. 

My potential date hasn't even noticed me. I'm in fishnet stockings and high heels with a fur collar. 

But he hasn't noticed. What's wrong with me? Too old for him? Must be the glasses. I look myopic. Old fashioned. People who wear long distance glasses are readers, swots, not fun girls. People who wear reading glasses are in their late forties - how aging. 

He's in his thirties. 

I remove my glasses. I approach him and cough. He looks up. I smile brightly. Since I'm not wearing my glasses I now can't see so well, so I peer at him. I lean closer to see better. 

He leans back.

I murmur, 'Have you been waiting long?' 

 He has no idea what I want. He's trying to figure this one out. He's not sure whether I'm the restaurant owner checking on the speed of service, or a call-girl. He looks round at the bar staff. 

 They are totally mesmerized by my antics - a woman in fishnet stockings approaching a customer who was leaving - and now a customer who is seated. 

I can imagine they are wondering, 'is she doing a consumer survey, collecting for charity, or selling something, maybe herself?'

 I cough. I walk towards the back of the restaurant. I trip over a chair leg. 

I could sit down and not order anything. They will not like that. 

Another Older Bearded Man

 I see another man with a beard. I approach him. He is much older than I thought. 

The Third Beard

And there's a third bearded man! Beards must be this year's thing. Maybe men with beards are always on their own. Maybe Cafe Rouge attracts men with beards. 

Which one is mine? I'll try the nearest first. Don't want him to see me walk past and go up to somebody else. So I stand and cough. 

The Nearest Beard

 He looks up. I cough again. 

 He looks hunted. He looks over at the bar staff. 

They must now be wondering whether they should come up and ask, 'Can I help you?', and subtly steer away this woman who is annoying their customers. 

 I quickly move on to man number three. I cough. He puts down his paper. 

He's the one. He tries to make conversation. 

But all the time I can see the bar staff watching me. They are not sure what I am up to, still wondering what I'm going to do next.

 Two Cafes 

My next date I want to try Caffe Uno for a change. I write Caffe Uno in my diary. My date agrees. 

But says he wants to try Cafe Rouge. 

I cross out Caffe Uno and write in Cafe Rouge. 

He says, 'If you really want Caffe Uno, we'll go there. 

I think, he might not turn up. I cross it out again and write dots under Cafe Rouge. 

I persuade him, 'Let's change.' 

 Anyway, I am sitting in Caffe Uno and he's late. 

Eventually I ring his mobile. I get engaged. 

Eventually I get through. He's been ringing my number getting engaged. 

He's in Cafe Rouge next door. 

Lessons Learned

What are the lessons learned? Nowadays I like to meet in a restaurant with a table booked in the man's name. I can take off my glasses and say to the Maitre d', 'So sorry I'm late - held up at work - I'm not wearing my glasses - where's Mr so and so sitting.' Problem solved. There's my gorgeous date. 

'Hello John!' I say - as if I'd known him all my life!